There's a moment of bliss when you sink into a bath where it's hot enough to elicit said 'ahhhh' but not so hot as to give your balls discomfort*. It's pure joy. Sure it lasts just a moment, a fleeting moment at that, but a wise man once said if you're depressed then learn to like these small moments because that's all the fuck you have now.

Anyway, I realised this week that ABC 2 now also carried The Daily Show. The Daily Show ... followed by the Colbert Report.

Ahhhh indeed. And ya bo sucks to anyone that doesn't understand just how fucking awesome that is. I suspect you're the sort of person that goes to bed at 8 in a sensible nightie**

*Not sure if this likewise applies to the girls - do ladies have to be wary of their descending flappage lest their sensitive skin folds are seared by the scalding fluids? Read more »

Not my mum, theNoo's mum.

TheNoo has small airways on account of being small - so when chest infections happen they're worse. That's what we thought was the case ... but his breathing got laboured so into casualty we went. He had lots of ventolin, was there overnight, then for another night getting tests to see how his O2 levels were travelling. It was a fucked time to be honest and highlights included him yakking on the floor, me holding him down as he screamed blue murder to cram a mask over his face, and me being abused by some fuckwit behind me when I was doing the speed limit added to which was their dangerously swerving out from behind me to turn off ... which caused me to lose my shit and chase them honking my horn like a fucking madman as the red mist descended over me*.

Anyway, theWife stayed by his side all night with no sleep and through the next day as well. The first sleep she got was in the fold out chair next to his bed. Read more »

'Spud's on the job!'

When a presidential administration passes on into the night, inevitably there's a rash of books from administration players that come out in its wake; memoirs, auto-biographies, biographies, and of course defensive screeds designed to absolve them of acute moral failings during their time in office.

Marc Thiessen is no exception, releasing a book titled "Courting Disaster" which claims Obama is going easy on the muzzys and he should man up and grab some electrodes.

The fact that I lived at a time on this planet through eight years of a presidency that was PRO-TORTURE still boggles the fucking mind. Honestly, when the cold war was in its dying days I genuinely thought 'well ... at least that sort of behaviour is just going to occur in those unpleasant tinpot dictatorships which will eventually pass in time.' Instead 911 proved to be the catalyst for all the horrid knuckle-dragging hang-em-high fuckwads that had been littering right wing think-tanks and waiting for their fucking time to horridly shine. Read more »

I guess he got this from daycare but lately, when we ask him if he wants to do (insert thing here), and he's up for it, he responds with '...okay, let's doo dat.'

Gold.

In the excellent show Friends, and yes - it was excellent, there was one ep that featured the concept of being allowed to boik up to five celeb's, without relationship impact, should the op present itself. Naturally Ross had his laminated, after erring and umming on who he should have on it, only to then lose out on a virtually zero chance to nail Isabella Rossilini because he ultimately dropped her pre-laminate then proceeded to run into her.

Funny fucking stuff. Okay, you had to be there.

As semi-regular punters know, I recently came out of the hugs closet and - despite a feverish love of the ladies and all their secreting parts - admitted that if I was going to be hugged by a man in some sort of caring spoon-like posish, it'd be sorta okay if that man was Daniel Craig. Indeed I labelled this non-sexual man on man close confines action as 'dude spooning'. Read more »

It's a little known fact that dudes like to hang brain. Not so much the intentional covert display of testicles to the unwary, but to be naked and to have them dangling free and clear of confinement.

I guess that's why so many dudes go boxers or commando.

There is a feeling of groinal bliss when you disrobe and your scrot peels away from your leg where it stuck like those jelly plastic hands you get in show bags. This feeling of freedom down there is a blessed relief - especially if you've been a bit sweaty.

In our house, when theNoo is all tackle out, we have a little song. Which, naturally, goes to the theme of nosin' around.

Testicle free time, testicle free time - doo, doo. Testicle free time, testicle free time - doo, doo. etc. Read more »

We're big on liquid soap in this house. It's more hygienic. Solid bars have issues man, though I admit I still use one in the shower and new soap bar day is a happy day in this household because you're less likely to lose a grip on it like you would a sliver in your soaped up southern groin forest.

Anyway, the other day I used the sink liquid soap to write 'I (heart) U' on the vanity mirror. You can't see it when the mirror is dry, but when it fogs with shower steam, there it is.

When theWife saw it, she added a '2' to the end.

Aw... pity she had to tell me 'cos I didn't notice.

Area man romance fail.

I am like a piquant cheese ... in that I am an acquired taste. I admit it, I often stream-of-conscious babble about stuff that is of interest to me and minimal interest to others. I will think of funny things to say, judge the consequences of saying them, then say them the fuck anyway.

So as a piquant now older balding gent I occasionally rub people up the wrong way. I try not to. I dislike confrontation, loathe arguments. I'm more happy to walk away from a disagreement or stifle my opinion than die in a ditch over details almost every time. Life is too short to make enemies or endure shouty tense arguments.

But ... any idiot can go through life making no enemies. I think once someone said you could judge a man by the quality of his opponents. That's neither here nor there. Read more »

Jimoein, the transplanted Irish comedian in Australia, once had a bit about going bald. He said, 'have you noticed when you start balding, people come up to you and say 'you're going bald' - like you hadn't noticed. Then you think ... two can play at this game ... and you cut your hair short.'

My grandfather, mother's side, was a short fat tummied man who was bald at 27. Guess whose genes I got ... including the one for acute recurring abdominal pain?

Out of my brothers, I am about nearly a foot shorter. In family photos I am a dip. I once got hand-me-ups.

So in addition to weight, gut pain, and height - I also suffer baldness. In 97 I had an arse-long pony-tail. Then the spot started. Now, 13 years on, there is a small segment of frontal thinning hair, but the small bald spot did a Germany V Poland and gave me effectively a reverse mohawk. Read more »

Ever since a biracial man with a funny name moved into the big house, elements on the US fringe have gone nuts - much like ants do when, as a kid, you stomp across a giant network of ants nests*.

This Washington Post piece likens to what is happening now in the US political landscape to what happened under Clinton - only worse. Read more »

'So, if you've read a bad business book, or know about the sale of human bodies, we'd like to know...'

Pompeii, Italy: Tired of being type-cast as a victim of nature’s fury, noted volcanic husk of a Pompeii victim said he will be leaving the display at the on-site museum and pursuing a long held dream of ventriloquism.

‘I know I have a talent at representing the morbid remains of a cataclysmic event that can barely be conceived by a living mind – the horror of being suffocated as the result of dense choking ash, which even as it killed you then settled over your body, perfectly recording your body’s shape even as fleshy remnants rotted away. But, like an actor doomed facing another five year contract to play the part of a beloved character after 20 years on a provincial soap, I have reached the end of my tether.’

The volcanic ash husk of a Pompeii victim said that it had been developing an act for some years now and, following a third placing at a local talent show, decided that it was a sign to jump. Read more »

A BBC reporter heads on down south to talk to Americans about why they oppose Obama. An interesting listen. A very scary, very sad, but very interesting listen.

See the link to the BBC Reports here.

Apparently the Tea Party is polling ahead of the Republicans. Jesus wept.

When you're just wearing PJ bottoms, and you have them Harry High, do you ... do you feel like Obelix?

Yeah ... you know you do.

Back in the states, an appeals court has ruled that the 1st amendment does not cover the right to play D&D in the big house.

See the story here.

According to the NY Times "Prison officials said they had banned the game at the recommendation of the prison’s specialist on gangs, who said it could lead to gang behavior and fantasies about escape."

The prison's specialist. On gangs.

Does this specialist have his head inside an Umber Hulk? On what fucking planet is he on that he thinks that tossing D20s across the canteen table is going to encourage gang activity?!

Oh, and apparently officials said playing D&D could “foster an inmate’s obsession with escaping from the real-life correctional environment, fostering hostility, violence and escape behavior.” Read more »

TheNoo is developing in leaps and bounds. He's getting a lot more agile, dangerously climbing things like rope nets at play-gyms and, today, when advised of a future nappy change got up on a chair, on the table, crawled along and assumed the lying down position for the bum check.

His language skills are also coming together. It's still mostly short word questions like 'Milk?!', or 'PlaySchool?!' or 'Bobdabuilder?!', but more and more he's delivering short sentences. For example if he gives me a story he's heard before, such as five minutes ago when he got me to read it, and I (being bored) attempt to read it in a stupid voice or make up a completely different version of Spot helps his mum where the little pup becomes a flinty eyed space marine packing a six foot death-ray, he will admonish me with 'speak poplee!' Read more »

We recently had an end-of-weeks nibbles session. Typically, in a payweek, one afternoon is dedicated for 30 minutes of chatting around a snack laden table.

With most of us back from hols, then we reconvened. Trouble was only about six people showed up. We played guess-the-celeb fantale game, which naturally I excelled at on account of my frequent consumption of said product, and told funny stories.

The subject of shitty papers came up. Canberra is blessed by two free papers, one for the north, and one for the south. It's supported by ad copy, naturally since it's free, and the ads take up about 75% of the content. It's very much a case of spot the article. S mentioned he used to deliver them when he was 12. Delivered being a somewhat rubbery term as he dumped most of them down a storm drain. Read more »

Why is it whenever I get out a fcking DVD from the shops it's dirty?! And sometimes, for some reason, I forget to wipe it before I put it in and it gets all snarky with the stuttering and what not and has to be ejected and cleaned.

Tonight it happened again.

I ejected it, and it was indeed dirty. Cursing I was when I looked in the reflection to see the smears and I started cleaning it with a eye glasses cloth.

At that point jam that had fallen onto my shirt fell onto the dvd and I accidentally smeared spreadable fruit* across it.

'Aw man,' I whined. 'Now I got jam on it. Now it's even more dirty!'

I gave up and gave it to theWife to do it. She rescued the entire situation with her attention to detail. Read more »

I know that to text and drive is to text and DIE, according to various billboard around the nation's capital. And I agree. Texting and driving is stupid. In fact, some studies suggest it is up to four times more dangerous than drink driving.

I found another one.

Texting and over-watch of a child in a playground. I was sending a short text then looked up. TheNoo had left the playground and was charging up the fenced off ramp to the shops. The busy carpark to the shopping centre is just to the right of the playground. So could very well have charged out onto the road instead.

Area man a bad dad.